An Intentional Christmas Season
There is no denying that the Christmas season is a full one. These weeks usher in a flurry of obligations, opportunities, overspending, anticipation, and then overindulgence as we battle the “in between” of having had more than our fill and welcoming in a new year, a new start and a new opportunity to redeem ourselves for our shortcomings.
How is it that every year, despite my best efforts, I find myself re-enacting the same sequence of events: first, endure the overwhelming task of putting up an absurd amount of holiday decorations (because that’s how we show our Christmas spirit, right?) Next, spend endless hours tracking down all of the items on our kids’ lists (I never got to make lists for Santa growing up. Our family couldn’t afford it. So, it is imperative that I give my kids everything I didn’t have, right?) Then, spend almost every free weekend in December attending holiday parties you are half enthused about attending. Don’t forget to spend copious amounts of money on a new outfit for each event (we couldn’t possibly be caught in the same outfit twice!) as well as a white elephant gift you are sure is going to end up in someone’s garbage by the following week. Once your to-do list is exhausted, you can finally enjoy the holidays with your family right? Except you and your hubby now have to decide which set of parents you’ll be spending the holidays with. You can feel the tension and stress rising as you envision breaking the news and the hurt feelings that will inevitably ensue.
Sound familiar? Unfortunately, this is the reality for so many of us, year after year. And no matter how much older we get, we don’t seem to get any wiser. We all appear to be stuck in the same hamster wheel of managing other people’s expectations, people pleasing and going through the motions.
Christmas is meant to be so much more and so much LESS all at once! We have turned what should be the most intentional time of the year into an exhausting month with the most crippling of pressures. Take this as your sign that you and your family deserve better! And you don’t have to wait until next year. You can start right now. Let me share with you some of the ways my family is choosing to do things a bit differently this Christmas season. We hope you’ll be encouraged to do the same, whatever that looks like for you!
Understand that you are your own family.
This one is fundamentally important and it’s essential to cement all throughout the year, not just during the holidays. When you and your husband got married, you immediately became a new family, your own family. As such, you have the freedom and obligation, really, to create your own family values, traditions, and make decisions that are best for you and your kids. The way to really solidify this is to set loving yet firm boundaries with everyone else.
You are allowed to decide that Christmas will be just the four of you this year. You are allowed to decide that you’ll be traveling out of the country instead. You are allowed to decide that this year, you’ll be spending Christmas with your husband’s family. You are allowed all of these decisions. If, after your have lovingly communicated these decisions to loved ones, there are tears, adult tantrums, or even disrespect occurring, understand that this is not your problem. Although it may sadden you to see a loved one hurt by a decision you’ve made as a family, you must understand that other people’s feelings about how you chose to live are not your responsibility.
Obviously, if your decision as a family is to spend the Christmas holiday with everyone together under one roof, extended family included, then by all means, enjoy that special time making memories and enjoying each others’ company! It’s a beautiful thing. But if your situation, like mine, is different and less than ideal, and you need to find a way to protect your peace and your children from a toxic situation, then understand that that is your right and no one should shame you or coerce you into changing that.
Simplify. Less Is More.
Take a hard look at your month of December and figure out where you can cut back. Do you need to attend every event? Do the kids need a photo with Santa again this year? Is that trip absolutely essential to take this month, or can it wait until things have died down a bit? Do you need to give a gift to every person you have interacted with this year, or can you decide instead that only family and close friends will receive gifts this year? Do you have to host your annual cookie decorating party for the fifth year in a row?
There are so many areas where we can simplify our busy month and make everything just a little bit more digestible for ourselves. It does take quite a bit of honesty and self reflection, however, and a hard look at our motivations. I will be the first to admit that, as a recovering people pleaser, I found a great deal of my identity in being the “hostess with the mostest.” I took great pleasure and pride in hosting multiple times during the holidays and taking care of every need my guests could have. Although being hospitable and a great hostess is an honorable thing (biblical even!) it can also be a direct path to burnout if we are not careful. Be honest with yourself if you are feeling burnt out and exhausted. Christmas is about love and connection. It’s hard to get there if you don’t allow yourself the space and energy to slow down and be still.
This year, our family is being very discerning about which events we will attend and what goes on our calendar. Because of this decision, we have already found it easier to truly enjoy the celebrations we do choose to partake in. They feel all the more special and significant.
The Reason for the Season
Now that my kids are getting older and can understand the true meaning of Christmas, I recognize the importance of approaching this season with more intention than ever before. I want my babies to learn that what we are truly celebrating is the birth of our savior and king. I want them to know what good news this is for the world and I want them to develop a sense of awe and true joy in their hearts. And I want to lead by example.
This month, I have been reading through a Christmas devotional (you can find my exact one linked here) as well as re-visiting scripture verses that tell the nativity story. I have been reading the Christmas Story books to my babies as well as listening to the nativity story read aloud. It has really brought the Christmas story to life in our household and the kids have loved listening and learning all about the birth of Jesus.
Freeing up our calendar has afforded us all this extra time to cozy up by the fireplace as a family as we learn more about who Jesus is and celebrate advent with anticipation.
Mindful Spending
I did touch on this briefly earlier but before you call me a grinch, hear me out! Studies show that the financial burden of the Christmas season is a leading cause of holiday stress for many families. I would argue that, in addition to causing you stress, it’s keeping you distracted from what matters most!
Here are some ways our family is being intentional about our spending during this Christmas holiday:
The kids were encouraged to make lists for Santa again this year, though we limited them to decide on their top 3 gifts they wanted. They were more than happy to go along with this, exclaiming that “Christmas is not about the presents!” (proud parenting moment). This along with their stockings and the abundance of Christmas presents they will inevitably receive from grandparents will result in more than enough material Christmas magic for them this year.
We made a small list of loved ones for whom we will be shopping this season. For others in our lives, we decided to gift homemade goodies (see my blog post regarding the best homemade gifts!) crafted intentionally with love and attention to detail. This allowed us to spread the love of Jesus through gift giving, remain good stewards of all that we have and continue to be generous with those in our lives who deserve recognition and gratitude from us.
Aside from our Christmas tree, we did not purchase any new Christmas decor this year. If you listened to our latest podcast episode, you will have learned why we needed a new Christmas tree (click the link above to listen!) But other than that, we used whatever we still had from years past or simply enjoyed many areas of our house being left undecorated. We have been too busy creating Christmas magic elsewhere to notice the lack and, as a bonus, there will be less to put away come January.
Finally, we are taking a hard look at our end of year giving. Our church in particular has highlighted so many great organizations (both locally and globally) that need assistance and we want to be a part of spreading the kingdom of Jesus through giving.
As always, thank you for reading! I hope you found some functional nuggets of inspiration in this article and a renewed sense of purpose for the weeks ahead. Praying that you and your family have a beautiful Christmas season together!